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MidoriJordan

Ramblings

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So I was gonna make some more topics in here because I have plenty more ramblings written down that I could share, but since I don’t want to clog everything up, I figured I’d condense it so it’d be a bit more bearable. I do have a nice little project to share soon though so be sure to look out for that here in a few days but in the meantime, please enjoy or don’t.

I’m Sorry

4/23/20

 

I’m so sorry.

 

There’s no amount of words I could say and no phrase I could utter to ever take back the hurt I caused. To you. To me. To us. I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I ended our friendship with my excuses. I’m ashamed I let my failures become the rift in our relationship that would eventually tear it apart.

 

I don’t have the words to explain how wrong I was for what I did or the pain I feel when I think about it.

I wish you could know how much I think about those deafening moments of silence and the pain they inflicted to us both.

I wish I could know the pain you feel.

I wish I could take it back.

I wish it was mine.

 

I deserve it.

 

Inner Monologue

10/20/19

What does it matter? Everyone you’ve befriended only reaches out to you if everyone else is busy and they’re bored out of their skulls, which isn’t often.

 

Because I show that I care even if they don’t?

 

Are you asking me?

 

No, I don’t think so. What would it mean if I was? That I don’t care for someone who doesn’t care about me?

 

That’s a given. If people don’t care about you, why care about them. Everybody has their own life and preferences. They prioritize what’s important to them. Has anybody ever called you important?

 

No.

 

Then don’t waste your time trying to tell people who don’t care about you, that you care about them. They had their chance and they missed out.

 

No. I missed out. Because of their own selfishness... and mine.

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Imagination

2/23/20

There is no greater fear than that of imagination. There is no greater tool than imagination. There is no greater distraction than imagination. There is no greater gift than imagination.

Without imagination there would be no purpose. No individualism. No innovation. Only people. Only as we are. Only as we have ever been. That is why we imagine.

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Friends

3/21/20
 

I’ve moved around a lot.

I’ve met a lot of people.

I‘ve made some friends. I’ve lost a few along the way. I’ll even lose some I have now. Whether I’ve moved on or they have.

I think a lot about my friends, old and new. I remember good times had and stories told. I think about new times to be had and new stories to make. I think about how I’ll never get to be part of some of my friends memories the way others are. I think about how my friends will never see my writing like this.

They’ll never understand the pain and sorrow of thinking about having fun and being good friends to others, because they already live as those good friends and are out having fun.

I suppose isolation is to blame for my thinking. You think a lot when you don’t do anything. It’s not always a good thing, to think.

It can lead you to success with good planning and calculation. It can also lead you to destruction, failure, grief, sorrow, and self-pity if you let it. It can also be a distraction. It can distract you from pain. Failure. Goals. Success. Misery. Happiness. Sadness. Existence as a whole. Your imagination is a great blindfold. Just don’t let it blind you from the necessary things.

Be a good friend. Don’t just think something’s up with your friends, ask them. Check in on them. Do things with them. TALK with them.

Don’t make the same mistakes I made. That I make. That I’ll continue to make. Do something.

Don’t just think. Go out and act.

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On 5/2/2020 at 8:40 PM, MidoriJordan said:

Your imagination is a great blindfold. Just don’t let it blind you from the necessary things.

Be a good friend. Don’t just think something’s up with your friends, ask them. Check in on them. Do things with them. TALK with them.

Whoa this is so good! This is so eloquent and profound.

 

 

How are you doing?

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23 hours ago, Echo said:

Whoa this is so good! This is so eloquent and profound.

 

 

How are you doing?

Thank you! I kinda beat around the bush in my writing sometimes so I often feel the need to make points clear towards the end.


I'm doing alright, trying to find the will to either write or finish writing something a little more up-building. Quarantine's otherwise been kind to my isolationist lifestyle. How're you?

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On 5/10/2020 at 10:59 AM, MidoriJordan said:

Thank you! I kinda beat around the bush in my writing sometimes so I often feel the need to make points clear towards the end.


I'm doing alright, trying to find the will to either write or finish writing something a little more up-building. Quarantine's otherwise been kind to my isolationist lifestyle. How're you?

Yeah it can be hard to find motivation to focus on things with everything going on.

And I've been doing well in quarantine, now that I'm on summer break I've found it more challenging to manage my time well, but I've been thriving for the most part. I do miss being able to hangout with people though 

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It Feels So Warm

3/16/20

 

 It feels so warm. The tears falling down my face in the dark. My covered legs stretched out under the blanket on my bed, sheathed by pajama pants. My face swollen and rushing with blood from the crying. My ears filled with the sounds of Alex Turner as he sang in Submarine. My heart melting in my chest. It feels so warm. Not because of happiness or joy filling the cold void of depression. Because of anger.

 At myself. At my circumstance. At my childhood. At my youth. At my parents. At my brother. At my family. At my cowardice. At my love. At my crush. At everything. At me. My mistakes. My failures. My lack of will. My being alive. At my being.

 

 I don’t want to be here anymore.

I just wanted to be somewhere with her.

Now I don’t want to be anywhere.

I don’t want to be.


 I don’t want to be warm.





 

 It feels so warm.

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